The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. Actually there wasn’t any rumors. You just have to look back into the history of this blog and see that my writing had become more and more infrequent at the end of last year. I am not ashamed of telling people, nor do I advertise it for that matter that I have dealt with depression for most of my life. The past six months have been pretty difficult for me to deal with. As I shared on a Facebook post to my extended family and very closest of friends last week,
“Life’s full of ups and downs. There is rarely middle ground at least in my life. I look back at all of the things that has happened to me in my life and I realize that there should be no reason I am still alive. Lots of people like to point to that verse in Jeremiah about God having a plan for me, even though that verse isn’t even about that. I have come to the realization that God indeed has some sort of plan for me. Just as He does for you; Even if you don’t believe.
I have dealt with depression most of my life. I don’t advertise it, but I am not ashamed of it and don’t hide it either. It’s my cross to bear. For the past six months depression has been pulling me down and getting a good hold of me again. Probably the worst it’s been for me in 20 years. I have had a constant internal struggle about going back on antidepressants again. I have done pretty good without them for years now. However, they have never been the answer. Only a tool in treatment.
The answer I have found though that has sustained me and kept me going recently is of course the love and support of my wife and kids. But even more important is my prayer life and faith. God’s providence never ceases to amaze me. God has found the right circumstances and the right people at the right times to remind me that He loves me. He created me. He’s given me a path to follow. He’s given me events and circumstances in my life to shape me. All of which is to prepare me for something. I don’t know what it is yet.
God sometimes lets those bad things happen to us, those moments of pain and loss, to bring about a greater good. I was reminded of that the other day reading the last chapter of Genesis. Had Joseph’s brothers not sold Joseph into slavery when he was a kid, Joseph wouldn’t have grown up to be a powerful government figure in Egypt whereby saving his brothers and family when things went bad for them. What seems like a bad thing at the time may in fact bring a greater good somewhere else and you may not realize that.
My point is simple. No moment in life is wasted. Either a good moment or bad one. No event in life is pointless. It’s all part of God’s plan in who we are and our role in his plan. God has sustained me throughout my life through many trials and tribulations. He is sustaining me now. Because I am letting Him in and letting Him work through me. We just have to let go of our pride and let God in and let go of ourselves to Him.”
I am going to try to get at least two articles posted a week for those two women that read this regularly (my wife, and my mom).